Falling into the envy trap?

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SUMMARY:


While everybody falls into the “envy trap” every now and then, if you ever find yourself with the urge to give up because of feeling envious of other people’s success – this episode is a must watch! Here are the steps that you need to remember next time:

Point no.1: stop the unfair comparison!

It is rather unfair to compare other people’s successes with yours since you have no idea what it took them to get where they are! The most common mistake most people do is to assume that other people’s result has been unearned, effortless or pure luck!

Point no.2: mirror the success of others 

Next time you find yourself envying someone else’s success – either on a professional or in a personal level, identify what it is specifically that you get to notice in other people. Be very specific!

Point no. 3: use this feedback productively!

Once you have managed to reflect on other people’s admirable traits, I would strongly encourage you to do whatever it takes to apply what you have discovered about yourself.  Make sure you use all those crucial points that you have discovered in such a way that it feels right and natural to YOU!

 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hello, this is Eva Lychrou and I’m a Greek psychotherapist and coach in London.

Today’s topic is very common, even if we don’t want to admit it most of the times… so I’m going to talk about feeling envious of other people’s success

Today’s question comes from Anna Liza and she writes:

hello Eva, thank you for some great videos! Your work makes me feel better about myself as I realise that I’m not the only one struggling with this kind of thoughts and issues.  This brings me to the issue that I wanted to share with you today:  More and more every day, whenever I open my twitter or Instagram account I can’t stop comparing myself to all those successful people. I instantly tend to think that I haven’t accomplished the same kind of professional progress. That also happens whenever I meet someone new professionally. I endlessly underestimate my value and seem to forget what I have managed to achieve so far. (btw I’m a free lance photographer) Is there any way I could stop feeling envy of other people’s success and instead focus on my efforts? 

Thank you, Anna Liza”.

 

Well, Anna Liza, what a great and honest disclosure! Thank you for sharing.  Now, I’m obviously not going to advise you to stop using the social media, or avoid meeting new people but I will share with you the following useful points to remember next time you find yourself falling into the envy trap!

 

Point no.1: stop the unfair comparison!

It is rather unfair to compare other people’s successes with yours since you have no idea what it took them to get where they are! The most common mistake most people do is to assume that other people’s result has been unearned, effortless or pure luck! Remember it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask ourselves the following questions:

 

  • What have they done to get where they are today?
  • What do they have that I wish I could provide for myself?
  • What do I admire in them? What is it in particular that I need to bring forward in myself?
  • Does their end result relate to my own values?

 

Once you are able to focus on these questions, you will get to realise that the issue is no longer about them.  It is mainly about you, your desires and your fears.

 

Point no.2: mirror the success of others

Next time you find yourself envying someone else’s success, qualities, – either on a professional or in a personal level, take a moment and reflect on the following useful questions:

  • what are the qualities that I get to notice in other people?
  • How many of these qualities do I already have?
  • Have I made the most of these qualities of mine? If yes, in what way? If no, what can I do to embody these qualities more fully?

 

Point no. 3: use this feedback productively!

Once you have managed to reflect on the above mentioned points, I would strongly encourage you to do whatever it takes to apply what you have discovered about yourself.  For example, when you realise that you admire a person who seems to be a natural with self -promotion, take some time to reflect on how you could share your triumphs in such a way that your personality shines through! Or if you notice that you admire people who are genuinely creative, then do your best to find a way to incorporate more creativity into your projects!

Make sure you use all those crucial points that you have discovered in such a way that it feels right and natural to YOU! There is no need to copy what other people have done, because by doing so, you will not be able to listen to your own needs and promote your true worth and ideas!

Before I wrap this up, here is a tweet for you to share:


envy trap tweet eng

 

 

Now I would love to hear from you.

How do you deal with envy when it shows up?

Let me know in the comments below.

As always, sign up to receive updates from me at evalychrou.com and don’t forget to share this video with your friends.

 

And remember: we all share the same challenges. As long as we share and learn from each other, the better the quality of our lives is going to be. See you next time!

 

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