Have you lost yourself for the sake of your relationship?

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SUMMARY:

Today’s episode is a classic one! Have you ever felt that you have ended up sacrificing your needs, your interests, your desires so that you can continue being in a relationship?

I have seen this pattern happening so many times in relationships. It’s actually one of the most common reasons both men and women decide to come and work with me! That is why I wanted to share with you the following very useful points:

Point no. 1: Identify YOUR passions and interests

You have to remember that passions, interests and career are unique for each individual. Of course it is great to be on the same wave length with your partner, but ultimately the goal is to allow yourselves to be able to do things on your own too! The idea behind each passion and interest is that you eventually become more in touch with yourself, you light up, you feel more passionate and more alive! This respectively will have a huge positive effect οn your intimate relationship.

Point no. 2: Honour yourself the same way you are honouring your partner.

Despite your best intentions of giving to the other person, what you need to realise is that you are ultimately taking something away from the relationship, when you are not meeting your true needs. It is your responsibility to treat yourself with the same respect as you are treating your partner; otherwise no one else will do it for you. So if you and your partner are not enjoying the same activities, it’s important to support each others’ interests- even and maybe more so when they are not shared!

Point no. 3: Speak up for yourself.

Being in a functional relationship means that there is room for both partners’ needs. That is why it is very important that you take the time to identify your needs, your hobbies and your interests and SHARE these with your partner. You also need to tell the truth about the things you like and don’t like; what you are looking for in a relationship and how you feel at any given time. By telling the truth about who you are, you will attract those who genuinely like and appreciate the real you.

Bearing these points in mind, you will gradually be able to to be yourself again when you are in a relationship that you truly care about.

And remember: We all share the same challenges. As long as we share and learn from each other, the better the quality of our lives is going to be. 

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, I’m Eva lychrou, I’m a greek psychotherapist and coach in London and you have to take my word for it that today’s episode is a classic one! Have you ever felt that you have ended up sacrificing your needs, your interests, your desires so that you can continue being in a relationship? That is the issue we are going to deal with, brought up by Antonis’ email –

Hello Eva, my name is Antonis and I could use your advice. I’m a successful advertising director for a major firm. By devoting myself to my work I have been able to come a long way in only a few years. However, every time I try to become involved in a new relationship my career suffers and so do my interests and hobbies.  I feel obliged to devote all my time and attention on the relationship, and I feel lost and frustrated. Is there any advice you can share with me so I won’t have to lose myself when I am in a relationship? Thank you, Antonis”!

Antonis, great question!!!! I have seen this pattern happening so many times in relationships. It’s actually one of the most common reasons both men and women decide to come and work with me! So let me share with you and the rest of the viewers the following very useful points:

Point no. 1: Identify YOUR passions and interests.

Although it is great to want to make sure that you meet the other person’s needs, and you are genuinely striving to be the perfect partner, it is also important to meet your own needs too. You have to remember that passions, interests and career are unique for each individual. Of course it is great to be on the same wave length with your partner, in such a way that brings you closer together, but ultimately the goal is to allow yourselves to be able to do things on your own too! The idea behind each passion and interest is that you ultimately become more in touch with yourself, you light up, you feel more passionate and more alive! This respectively will have a huge positive effect οn your intimate relationship.  What is better than two people feeling alive, happy, fulfilled and complete by coming together to form a unity!

 

Point no. 2: Honour yourself the same way you are honouring your partner!

Despite your best intentions of giving to the other person, what you need to realise is that you are ultimately taking something away from the relationship, when you are not meeting your true needs. You are not honouring yourself and eventually you are sending the wrong message out to the world; that is that your needs are less important than everyone else’s. When you are not taking care of yourself, how do you expect other people to care about you? It is your responsibility to treat yourself with the same respect as you are treating your partner; otherwise no one else will do it for you. Trust me; you will become more interesting, more alive and inspirational for other people too when you are in touch with your true self! So for example if you need to spend time with friends every once in a while please do so. If you and your significant other are not enjoying the same activities, it’s important to support each others’ interests- even and maybe more so when they are not shared!

 

Final Point for today: Speak up for yourself!

Being in a functional relationship means that there is room for both partners’ needs. How can your partner know what you need if you don’t voice it? It is very important that you take the time to identify your needs, your hobbies and your interests and SHARE these with your partner. You also need to tell the truth about the things you like and don’t like; what you are looking for in a relationship and how you feel at any given time.  By telling the truth about who you are, you will attract those who genuinely like and appreciate the real you, not those who are merely impressed by a false façade. This in turn will help you raise your self esteem since being accepted and appreciated for who you really are will make you feel more accepting and appreciative of yourself. For example, do you want to go out for drinks with colleagues on a Friday evening after work? Share your desires with your partner and see how she might react and whether you can meet half way in case there is disagreement.

 

Before I wrap this up, here’s a tweet for you to share:

lose yourself tweet

Antonis, these are some tips for you to bear in mind. I hope they help!

So once again, I would love to hear your perspective. Have you given up yourself for the person you’re passionate about? Have you got any useful insights or shares to make? Please let me know in the comments below.

Sign up to receive updates from me at evalychrou.com and don’t forget to share this video with your friends.

And remember: we all share the same challenges. As long as we share and learn from each other, the better the quality of our lives is going to be.

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