Can I work on my relationship in therapy even if my partner won’t come with me?

It may be surprising to hear that you can work on your relationship in counseling without your partner.

They may not want to go to therapy for a variety of reasons. They could be hesitant after hearing horror stories of an argument starting in the session then continuing throughout the day. Or they may feel weird about opening up about your relationship to a stranger. Whatever their reasons may be, you can’t force them to go. You may be wondering, can I still work on my relationship without them being there?

Absolutely! While relationship counseling is typically thought of as the couple being there together, you can still improve your relationship. Here’s how it can help you and your relationship.

Relationship Counseling Helps You Work On Yourself

Increasing the connection in your relationship may be the goal, but that doesn’t mean you can’t better yourself. Working with a therapist will help you reflect on yourself. By talking about your past relationships and attachment history, you can gain insight into what is blocking a healthy connection with your partner. On your end, you will be on a journey of self-discovery. In a non-judgemental way, your therapist can help you discover how you may unintentionally be contributing to issues in your relationship.

You Will Learn Communication Skills

Most issues in relationships stem from poor communication skills. In fact, most couples struggle with effectively communicating with each other, so don’t feel alone if you are going through this!

While it may seem odd for you to work on your communication skills with your partner alone, it can still be highly beneficial for both of you. Individual psychotherapy can help you develop communication skills that will decrease conflict. You will learn how to more accurately express the emotions you are feeling in ways that your partner can understand. And, you’ll learn better ways to deepen the connection you have with your partner.

They may not be there with you, but from speaking about them and learning more about you, your therapist will still have a good idea of your partner’s personality.  If you are struggling with issues in your relationship, but aren’t sure how to approach it with them, therapy is an excellent way to talk about them. It gives you space to freely discuss possible resolutions.

The Power Of One Can Transform Dynamics

Even when you are the only one working to fine-tune your relationship in counseling, that can be enough.

As you progress in sessions, you will begin to take the skills you learn there to your home. While the relationship may not transform right away, your partner should notice the changes. As you work to open the lines of communication in your relationship, your partner will likely be inspired by the change. And when this happens, you will both start to shift the dynamics of the relationship in a positive way.

You’ll Begin To Feel Better

Even if you’re partner did not want to go with you, you will feel better. Why? As you continue to work on your issues, you will use these skills at home. And while you may not see transformations right away, you’ll feel better knowing you are trying.

You May Change Your Partner’s Mind

It might seem impossible, but after seeing the positive changes in you, you may inspire your partner.  Seeing you work so hard to improve the relationship may help them transform their opinion on therapy.

We often see this happen. It is common for one partner to begin working on the relationship without the other. But, as time goes on, they might start to be more trusting in the process.

Dealing with relationship issues is hard, but you don’t have to work through them alone. Reach out to my office if you are ready to improve your relationship.