Why are enmeshed families too close?
Chances are, you have never heard of the term enmeshed family. However, the concept behind enmeshed families is something you are likely familiar with. But, what exactly is one? An enmeshed family is one where there are no boundaries between family members. In enmeshed families, bonds in the family are based on unhealthy emotions.
If you are not sure if this could apply to you, keep reading to learn more about enmeshed families and why these connections mean there are unhealthy bonds happening.
What To Look For
Knowing whether or not you are part of an enmeshed family is just the beginning. Here are some signs to look for within the family.
Parental Behaviors In An Enmeshed Family
Expectations of children following their beliefs and values
Believes family should be the only sources of support, not anyone outside of the family
Expecting emotional support from the child
A need to know everything about your child and their life
Sharing of personal information that should remain private
Sets goals and aspirations for children and expects them to follow
Child Behaviors In An Enmeshed Family
Never thinks of their own needs, just others
Goals are always aligned to what the parents want
Feels an urge to solve the problems of other family members
Not sure who they are outside of their family dynamic
Feels guilty for wanting space, but never receiving it
Consequences Of An Enmeshed Family
In enmeshed families, there are no boundaries set between the parent and child, or children and their siblings. Instead of functioning as individuals that are part of a family unit, each individual is expected to function for the good of the family.
This, in turn, creates a very unhealthy dynamic for the family unit and each individual person. With no clear boundaries, children may run the risk of never feeling as if they are their own person. When the focus is solely on the family, children will be unsure of what they want or who they want to be. With no sense of identity, it is common for many children to have an extremely low self-esteem.
Why Enmeshed Families Are Too Close
Being close with your family is important. It is one of the strongest connections we have from an early age. However, there is a fine line between being close and having an unhealthy relationship.
One of the main reasons an enmeshed family is too close is the reaction to decisions that do not involve other members. For instance, if a family member decides to move away for a different job, the reactions can be very negative. The family members not moving can feel as if they are being abandoned or betrayed. In a healthy family dynamic, the other members of family would be sad, but it would not be viewed as a betrayal.
The closeness within this type of family dynamic can have damaging consequences on outside relationships. For instance, they may fear being open with others and guard their feelings.
Some people may find themselves in a toxic relationship. They may play the role of caretaker and repeating the dynamics of an enmeshed family, which could potentially lead to them being controlled or in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Furthermore, enmeshed families will guilt their family if they feel visits or phone calls are lacking. Especially if they miss a family event. In healthy families, while teasing and complaints may occur, they never intentionally make others feel guilty.
Breaking The Cycle
If you identified with any of the above, you may wonder how you can break this cycle. Psychotherapy gives you a chance to heal and learn how to set boundaries with your family. Healing is possible and finding your own way in life and making yourself a priority can happen. Contact me today to begin.
