Relationship Counselling

When Love Feels Harder Than It Should: Navigating the Complexity of Connection

Do you feel like you’re working a second full-time job just trying to make your personal life "work"? If you are in a relationship, perhaps every conversation has started to feel like a high-stakes negotiation or a cold war of silence. You might be living as "roommates," functioning perfectly as a domestic team but feeling a profound, aching loneliness when the lights go out.

Or perhaps your challenge is the search itself. Do you find yourself caught on the "dating app treadmill," exhausted by a cycle of promising first dates that lead to ghosting, or "situationships" that never quite cross the line into commitment? Maybe you’re starting to ask that heavy, late-night question: Is there something fundamentally broken about me?

The Loneliness of the Long-Term Partner

For those in relationships, the problem often isn't a lack of love, but a lack of connection. You may find yourselves circling the same arguments—money, chores, parenting, intimacy—over and over again, like a record stuck in a groove. You want to reach out, but the fear of rejection or another fight keeps your hands at your sides. You tell yourself, “Once things calm down, we’ll get back to how we used to be.” But "calm" never seems to arrive, and the distance only grows.

The Burnout of the Modern Search

For my single clients, the struggle is often a specific kind of modern fatigue. Your phone is full of apps designed to connect you, yet you’ve never felt more isolated… You are navigating a world of "disposable" dating culture where it feels impossible to build something sturdy. You might be struggling to understand why you keep attracting the same type of unavailable partner, or why the life you’ve worked so hard to build feels incomplete without someone to share it with. Whether you are grieving a past love or wondering if you’ll ever find a new one, the pressure to "just be happy single" can feel like just another chore on your list.

With the help of individual relationship therapy, you can learn how to break these cycles and build the deep, secure connection you deserve—whether that is with a current partner or a future one.

You Are Not Alone in the Search for Connection

A World Designed for Connection, Yet Feeling Disconnected

If you feel like you are struggling, please know that you are navigating one of the most difficult eras for human connection in history. We are living through what many experts call a "loneliness epidemic." Recent data shows that nearly 50% of adults report feeling lonely on a regular basis [1]. In the UK, the number of people living alone has increased by over 8% in the last decade, and for many, the "digital village" of social media has only served to make real-world intimacy feel more out of reach [2].

Whether you are in a relationship that feels like a desert or you are navigating the desert of the dating world, these are not personal failures. They are reflections of a high-pressure culture that expects us to be self-sufficient, successful, and perfectly partnered all at once—without ever teaching us the emotional skills required to get there.

Normalizing the "Relational Gap"

Most people face significant bumps in the road when it comes to love. It is incredibly common for long-term couples to hit a "Power Struggle" phase where differences feel like deal-breakers. Similarly, it is a near-universal experience for single people in the modern age to feel "dating burnout" or to question their "market value" in a world of endless swipes.

The good news, however, is that with the help of a compassionate, experienced therapist, you can get back to feeling fulfilled, confident, and satisfied in your relational life. You don't have to wait for a partner to join you to begin this work. Individual therapy is one of the most powerful tools for shifting the "system" of your life.

The Systemic Path to Relational Healing

Systemic Therapy: Looking at the Whole Picture

I offer a safe and structured environment where you can feel comfortable exploring the challenges in your relationship life. My approach is rooted in Systemic Psychotherapy. Unlike traditional models that might only look at your internal thoughts, the systemic lens looks at the patterns between you and the world.

If you are in a relationship, we look at the "dance" between you and your partner. If you are single, we look at the system of your dating habits, your family history, and the societal expectations that shape how you view yourself. I believe that you are not the problem; the pattern is the problem.

How We’ll Work Together

In our sessions, I speak directly to you as a collaborator. I offer a space that is honest but never harsh; structured, but always compassionate. We move beyond "venting" and into a deep understanding of why you show up the way you do in love.

• Tracing the "Family Ghost": We explore how your early experiences of love and safety (or lack thereof) created the "blueprint" you use today.

• De-escalating the Cycle: If you are in a conflict-heavy relationship, I help you identify your triggers and learn how to communicate your needs without inviting a "threat" response from your partner.

• Breaking Dating Scripts: For single clients, we look at the "scripts" you play out. Do you pull away when someone gets too close? Do you over-function to try and make someone like you? We work on building a secure "internal base" so you can date from a place of choice, not anxiety.

• Reclaiming Your Agency: Systemic therapy helps you see that you have far more power than you think. When you change how you move within your system, the people around you (current or future) are forced to move differently, too.

A Balance of Reflection and Action

What makes my work unique is the balance between deep insight and practical tools. You won’t just leave our sessions understanding why things are hard; you’ll leave with concrete shifts you can apply immediately. This might mean learning how to set a boundary with an overbearing parent, how to "soften" an approach to a partner, or how to handle the "anxiety of the wait" between dating app matches.

I have practiced for 20 years and have helped hundreds of clients—both partnered and single—rebuild their confidence and their capacity for intimacy. I regularly see that when a person is committed to understanding their own "relational system," they stop being a victim of their circumstances and start becoming the architect of their connections.

Common Questions and Concerns

"Can change really happen in my relationship if I’m the only one in therapy?"

Shifting the Dynamic From the Inside Out

This is a very common concern. We are often told that "it takes two to tango," but in systemic work, we know that if one person changes their steps, the other person cannot keep dancing the same way. By working on yourself, you change the "input" into your relationship system. I have seen individual work lead to massive shifts in a couple's dynamic because the client learned how to stop participating in the old, destructive loops.

"Is there something fundamentally wrong with me that I'm still single?"

Moving From Pathologising to Understanding

It is easy to look around and feel like everyone else has the "secret code" for love. In therapy, we dismantle the idea that your relationship status is a reflection of your worth. Often, being "stuck" in a cycle of singleness isn't about a flaw in your personality; it's about a protective mechanism or a systemic pattern you haven't identified yet. We work together to turn that "shame" into "curiosity," which is where true change begins.

"I've tried everything—dating books, apps, workshops. How is this different?"

Beyond Surface-Level Advice

Most dating advice focuses on "tactics"—what to text, how to dress, or where to go. Systemic therapy goes much deeper. We look at the underlying "operating system" of your life. We address the root causes of why you might feel "un-choosable" or why you might be choosing people who cannot meet your needs. This isn't about "tips"; it's about transforming your relational identity so that healthy love becomes a natural byproduct, not a forced outcome.

Reclaim Your Right to Connection

You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of disconnection, whether you are sharing a bed with someone or searching for that someone. You’ve spent a long time trying to navigate these waters on your own, often at the expense of your own peace and self-esteem.

It is time to turn some of that effort inward. Whether you are looking to repair a bond that has frayed or you are preparing yourself to build a new one from a place of strength, I am here to guide you. You deserve a life filled with respect, understanding, and the kind of closeness that makes the hard parts of life feel manageable.

Take the First Step Toward a Steadier Relational Life

I offer a free, 20-minute discovery call for all new clients. This is a low-risk, no-pressure way for us to talk about what’s been happening in your life—whether you’re in a relationship or navigating the single world—and see if my systemic approach is the right fit for you.

References: [1] World Health Organization (WHO), "Social Connection and Loneliness Report," 2024. [2] Office for National Statistics (ONS), "Families and Households in the UK," 2024.